Vincent's Blessing

You belong to the city
You belong to the night
In the river of darkness
He’s the man of the night
-“The City is Mine” by Jay-Z

I began to sing these words that make up the hook of Jay-Z’s “The City is Mine” from his album In My Lifetime: Vol. 1 when I first laid eyes on the cover art of Vincent P. Sanchez’s debut urban fiction novel, Angel’s Sin (Outskirts Press). I was blessed with the opportunity to meet with the up and coming author and interview him on December 2nd at the famous 40/40 Club in New York City. (Side note: The food and the drinks at the 40/40 Club are both banging) It was official. I was greeted when I arrived by a nice young lady who checked my name off of the guest list and directed to the room where the book signing for Angel’s Sin was taking place. The place was popping with every man and woman dressed, awaiting the man of the night, Vincent P. Sanchez. He arrived dressed like a don in a black suit with pinstripes and square-toed shoes. He looked fresh.

A native of Jamaica, Queens, Vincent P. Sanchez began crafting the first five chapters of Angel’s Sin a few years before completing it to be published in 2010. He revealed to me that his biggest struggle of the whole project was the marketing process for his novel. A fan of Steven King, Dean Koontz, and James Patterson, Sanchez’s personal experiences coming up during the catastrophic crack epidemic are what fuel him to create Angel’s Sin. Sanchez learned many hard lessons on love, loyalty, and life. It was not until he spent time in prison, that he discovered his passion for writing.

The urban fiction novel, Angel’s Sin is a story about Victor Johnson, who goes by the name, Angel, witnessing the murder of a neighborhood drug dealer. Sincere, Angel’s brother, also witnesses the murder at the hands of King, a local drug kingpin. They escape their own deaths once they are discovered by King and his right-hand man, Breeze. King and Breeze are two of the most dangerous men in South Jamaica, Queens. Instead of automatically killing both boys, King approaches them with a proposition: To either become a street soldier for King or be murdered. Once Angel and Sincere choose to live a life of crime, their lives are never the same. According to Sanchez, he sets himself apart from the literary competition by stepping from the norm, providing a different angle of portrayal.

Angel’s Sin is a story of how one decision can create a butterfly effect that will leave a long-lasting impression upon an individual’s soul. It is a story of survival, loyalty, betrayal, and death. It is an inspirational coming-of-age story that is definitely a page-turner. There are moments that may make you shed a tear, burst out laughing, or clutch your pearls in shock and amazement.

I appreciate the play on words that I was able to pull from Angel’s Sin. Angel commits sin after sin, after sin. These sins include the ones committed against others as well as the ones committed against him. Angel is far from a holy man. The term sin also refers to Sincere, Angel’s brother. The two young men have an indelible bond between each other. In the novel they both share this motto for love: “The love you show me is the love I show you. Fifty-fifty love ‘til the sun burns out.” There is nothing like brotherly love. Sin is also the Spanish term meaning without, which signifies the emptiness within Angel. Even though he gains money, power, and respect in the streets, he remains unfulfilled. Zane, Angel’s love interest, is almost like an angel in disguise who gives his life new meaning. She shows him unconditional love and brings out the best in her man. She opens her man’s eyes to a whole different world outside of street hustling. This angel gives birth to a Sin. I applaud Sanchez for his skills.

Vincent P. Sanchez plans on transforming the novel into a movie. Bringing the characters of Angel’s Sin onto the big screen will be a great move for the author. I cannot think of any other urban fiction novel that has been made into a movie. (You can correct me if I am wrong) Sanchez has two other books that are still in the making, Cheaters and The Last Witness. From writer to another, I wish him much success.

You can purchase your copy of Angel’s Sin at Barnes and Noble, Amazon, and Outskirtspress.com/Angelssin.

Stop Complaining

Do you ever find yourself complaining about the same thing over and over again? I do. Honestly, I am disappointed that I complain about this for 365 days a year. I have read that if this is the only thing to complain about, then there’s nothing really to complain about. In my bedroom I have a note written on a post-it above my desk to stop complaining about this. I hate to talk about this, but often it is virtually inevitable. If you know what it is like to have a blood-thirsty bug buzz by your ear, then you have an idea of how it makes me feel when I complain about money.

When most people see me walk down the streets, step into my job, drive my car, or show up at any function, they see what an ex-friend of mine used to call me: “Money Girl.” I am told that I look rich. I have champagne taste on a ripple budget (that’s why I love Forever 21). I tell people all of the time that I am not rich, but blessed. Lately, I have been taking the time out to tell God that I am thankful for my blessings, especially those things that I know I didn’t deserve, but were given to me anyhow. I give thanks not only to express my gratitude to God, but to teach myself to stop complaining about money. Growth has allowed me to give thanks, but I still find myself complaining about money.

When my paycheck is directly deposited into my checking account and I go down the list of the creditors I have to pay back, the groceries to purchase, the gasoline to pump for the week, the events that I have been invited to, and see that I am giving all of my money away to everyone but myself, I get pissed. I know that I am always going to have a bill, but it’s the other things like, for example, when I make plans to do something and my plans get interrupted by something unexpected that I’m always unprepared for financially. I have savings accounts that are empty and this upsets me. I am horrible when it comes to managing my money. When I make attempts to improve the way I handle my money and my reality doesn’t match up with my expectation, I become disappointed and I complain.

I have made a lot of mistakes with money—from taking out unnecessary loans and acquiring too many credit cards to impulse shopping and being a dupe of instant gratification. I feel absolutely ashamed of myself. I know that I have improved the way that I spend my money, yet I feel that I am not improving fast enough. I believe that I could be doing more to be more effective in correcting all of my wrongs. When I try to cut back on things like going out and I get accused of being cheap, it hurts me. Sometimes I end up spending my money to avoid hearing other people’s comments and I beat myself up about it later. I also cross my fingers, hoping that I don’t overdraft and being slammed with the $34 fee per overdraft. Like that annoying blood-thirsty bug buzzing by, I just want it to stop and go away—the shame, the disappointment, and the complaining.

Now that I am finally getting this off my chest, I feel as though I am not only complaining about money, but I am complaining about being an adult and having a life. I love my life and I love being an adult. I am gifted and healthy. I am never without food. I’m single, yet I am never lonely. There are those days where I’m just getting by and feeling majorly terrible because my checking account needs CPR. I know that God has been good to me and always will, which is why I know that I must make it a priority to stop complaining about money. I once heard Joel Osteen say to complain is to remain. I don’t want to remain, I want to increase. As long as I continue to press forward and be more forgiving to myself, eventually, my money will be straight and being a money girl will no longer be just an illusion.

Too Broke to be in a Relationship

Have you ever felt that you were too broke to be in relationship? Do you feel that way now? Is it necessary to have your finances in order before you look for that special someone? I hear women say all of the time that they can't get with a man who is broke. A good number of them are straight up lying. Musiq Soulchild has a song title "Money Right" in which he sings, "As soon as I get my money right, I'll take good care of you." Are there women out there, who, if they heard that line from a man, would they wait for him? I've never heard a man say that he didn't get with a woman because she was strapped for cash.

I am working, putting myself through college, and repairing my credit all at the same time. Many times I have said that I am too broke to be in a relationship. Not only do relationships require time, but they also require money. I barely have either. A man has never boldy told me that he couldn't be with me because I'm economically challenged; however, I think that my finances were part of the reason that one guy discontinued seeing me. He had made a brief appearance in my life. I had the strongest feeling that he was here for all the wrong reasons. Once I told him what my salary is, he soon vanished. Hmmm...nah, he was just the equivalent of those lint balls you find in the pocket of your jeans. Maybe he had been looking for a sponsor.

Numerous times I have jokingly said that I need a sugar daddy. How many of you have said you needed a sponsor? It would be awesome to have somebody throw some cash my way and take some of the stress off me, but I know that shit ain't realistic. A sponsor is not the answer. A sponsor is another pain in the ass who will end up on the Do Not Pick Up list on my Iphone. Besides, my heart won't let me beat someone in the head just to get my Visa bill paid. I always wondered what men and women have said to their sponsor to get him or her to drop their ducats. What extremes have they gone to in order to get others to pay for their shit?

Looking at the bigger picture, I know that my financial status will change for the better. The job that I have pays its employees based on their education level. My knowledge is increasing and I am gradually progressing at my job. I am closer to the level where I know that I will be. It's clearly very easy for me to be sidetracked from the positive to dwell on the negative, but I am so glad that I have the ability to shift back into the right gear. 2 Corinthians 4:18 reads: "So we fix our eyes not what is seen but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary but what is unseen is eternal." Yeah, I'm having some financial technical difficulties right now, but it will not be forever. Yeah, money isn't everything, but it means a lot when you have it and able to fund your lifestyle. So until I get my money straight, single is what I will be.

Bold Move

I cut off all my hair. I couldn't take it anymore. Yes, Dolce Diva is now a dark caesar diva. I went to the barber shop after work, sat in the chair, told the barber what I wanted, and when he was finished I came out looking like a brand new diva.

Originally, I had planned to do the big chop on my thirtieth birthday, but I decided to move the day up. I've had enough with putting relaxers in my hair. Yes, they make your hair look fabulous, but I had to put an end to putting so much chemicals into my body. No, I am not following some hair trend. This was a life decision for me and I am happy that I did it.

People tried to convince me not to make such a bold move by cutting all my hair off, but I didn't feel like waiting until enough new growth came along so that I wouldn't look like the Gingerbread Man. I was pretty confident. I knew that my mother had done a great job at shaping my head properly as a baby, so I know that wasn't in for any surprise lumps and bumps upside my head; and even if there were any, I wouldn't have gave a damn anyway because last time I checked, I am the one who pays my bills.

Some of my friends asked if I felt liberated. Honestly, no. I don't feel liberated; however, I am further convinced that I am gorgeous. I was blessed with a face that is able to pull off any hairstyle. Long hair, short hair, braided hair, curly hair, and now no hair. I can rock 'em all! Cutting off all my hair has made me more attractive. I feel more beautiful than ever before.

Everybody loves my haircut. I have never received so many compliments in one day. The moment that will stick with me forever is when I walked into my job the day after the big chop, and my student who has alopecia and always wears a baseball cap walked up to me, took off her cap, and told me that I was beautiful. It took every fiber in my being to hold in the tears. I will cherish that moment for the rest of my days. I hope the next bold move I make will cause a similar result.

Do You Have to Tell?

Do you have to tell the person you are having casual sex with that you are now in a relationship?

Is it any of his/her business?

Do you ignore the texts and phone calls?

If you do respond to the texts and the phone calls, do you make up excuses as to why you can't come through, hoping that he/she will get the hint that y'all cannot hook up anymore and stop hitting you up?

Or do you just come clean and tell him/her the truth?

I'm Good

It has been a minute since my last post. I must say that my last post was kind of depressing, yet it was real and I am glad that I accomplished expressing my feelings. Writing that post was a great release for me. Within a week after posting it, I began to feel better. You know, sometimes there are days when you feel as though you can conquer the whole world and then there are days when you feel like crawling under a rock. I had arrived at a point in my life where I was like: "Enough is enough!"

But something else weird happened. Letting go of the expectation allowed me to come to a place where I could get with a guy, have casual sex with him, and think nothing of it. I didn't feel automatically attached. I didn't over analyze him or the situation. I knew that we were together for only one thing. I didn't call him constantly. I didn't become upset if something came up and we weren't able to get together for one night. I felt free. I didn't have a relationship in my head. I didn't expect anything from him, but sex. Even though I felt that way, I still knew that I deserve so much more. I shocked myself. I didn't think that I had that capability.

With dropping the expectation of falling love with a man there is no room for becoming disappointed. I was tired of putting my best Dolce Diva forward and not getting anything back in return. I was tired of getting my feelings hurt. Now I don't have to worry about that anymore because I'm good. I feel good. I look good. I walk good. I talk good. Can't nobody tell me nothing.

Letting Go

I have let go of the expectation of falling in love with a man. Since my days of being a student at Edward R. Murrow high school, I was always curious to know what it's like to be a girlfriend and what it feels like to fall in love, make love, and I say I love you. For years I have been determined to build a long-lasting and meaningful relationship with a guy. I thought that this would not be a difficult goal to achieve, but I was definitely wrong. Things just didn't work out in my favor. This hurt me terribly. I always wanted to know why. Why doesn't he want to keep me? Why doesn't he see that I am good person? Why are my friends in relationships, but not me? When is it going to be my turn?

I believe men only see me as an object, the other, but not the one. To them, I am conquest, not a treasure. It's never a problem to engage in casual sex, but to be in a committed relationship is out of the question. Because this has been the constant for ten consecutive years, it's best that I throw in the towel. I would have a fortune if I were to get a dollar for every time a guy told me this: "You're a cool girl, but I don't want to be in a relationship with you." To hear that line over and over again is like a stab in the heart for me, and I just can't continue to put myself through that anymore. I know that I am worthy of whole lot more than what I have gotten, so I will not settle for less anymore.

I am not sure if it is a phase or not, but I have gotten to the point where I don't want to even want to exchange numbers with a new guy; I don't want to go out on any dates; go to anyone's house; I don't want to even be touched whether it be in the form of a handshake or a hug. No more casual sex. I just want to be left alone. I don't even want a guy to look at me, which may be difficult because I do have it going on and all. I have felt this way before and I have sworn off men for one to two years at a time, but I don't know how long it will be before I will want a man to be around me again.

I wrote an earlier piece about hating when people ask me why I am single and I failed to reveal that I hate being asked that question because it reminds me of what I have gone through. It reminds me of being hurt. It reminds me of being frustrated. It reminds me of being confused. I don't want to experience those feelings anymore. Being single can be boring at times, but at least it's not painful.

Now the questions that I ask are: "What is God preparing me for? Who is God preparing me for?" I don't beat myself up about this anymore, even though I am sensitive about it. I pray that I don't become that woman who immerses herself in her job and education so badly that she loses the ability to let a man take the lead and to let him love her. I pray that I don't become that bitter bitch that hisses at a man and labels him incompetent the moment he says hello. I want to get over, not get even. I pray that I increase my strength and my wisdom. I am going to continue to be productive and to press forward. Walk by faith, not by sight.

Check This Out

There is only about two weeks left to see the Gentrification of Brooklyn: The Pink Elephant Speaks exhibit at the Museum of Contemporary African Diasporan Arts (MoCADA) .

Gentrification is a reality that has been impacting the borough of Brooklyn for a number of years. In the art exhibit located in Brooklyn at the James E. Davis Arts Building on 80 Hanson Place, are works of art that capture each of the artists’ personal critiques on the changes that are taking place in the borough that many love, including me. Over twenty artists have put in their creativity and hard work to get people to look deeper into the transformation of the economic and social landscape of Brooklyn.

The Gentrification of Brooklyn exhibit is a great opportunity to be educated about the past, present, and future of Brooklyn. The showcased artwork in the exhibit is provocative, eye-opening, and has everyone asking, “Is it white flight or gentrification?” This is a great question to ask friends, family, and coworkers.
The exhibit will definitely create a dialogue within the community.

Definitely make time to get down to MoCADA to view this incredible exhibit. If you’re an educator, like me, schedule a tour for your students. For questions, call (718) 230-0492 or visit http://www.mocada.org/.

My Friends Are Cute

I recently read a blog on Naked With Socks On titled: “Are Your Friends Cute? (They’re Not Stop Lying).” The blog asks readers if they are truthful when they tell others that their friends are cute. Blogger, Anslem Samuel, doesn’t believe that everybody has cute friends, and he’s right. Fortunately, I don’t have that dilemma. My female and male friends all possess the cute gene.

I am not talking about that conventional beauty nonsense. We are all black and beautiful men and women. Wherever we go we turn heads. I wouldn’t have a problem setting up any one of my friends on a blind date. I wouldn’t have to lie and say they looked like some gorgeous celebrity if I knew damn well they looked like a gremlin. If my friends looked like gremlins, I would not set them on any blind dates. My friends are all attractive and look good from any angle. They are not one-dimensional.

In addition to our killer good looks, we possess beautiful spirits. We all have home training, so we know how to carry ourselves in public. We’re smart; we all have college degrees. We are unique and we have class. We look good inside and out. Not too many people can truthfully say that all of their friends are cute. I, on the other hand, can put my hand on a Bible and swear that all my friends are beautiful without worrying about lightning striking me.

I Hate This Question

The one question that I can’t stand being asked is, “Why are you single?” People don’t understand why such a beautiful, intelligent, and well-rounded young lady, such as me, is not in a relationship. The looks that I get from the people when I tell them that I am single are looks of disappointment and sadness. Do I have to be in a relationship? I guess not, or else I would be in one. I am constantly asked this question and I am annoyed every time I hear it. Coworkers ask me this question as well as men that I meet for the first time. They all can’t believe it. Well, believe it. And leave it be.

To be a single person is not a horrible thing, but it can be boring at times. The boredom comes when things become mundane. Boredom can easily be alleviated, though. There are millions of activities out there for me to take advantage of to knock out being bored. I dance, I cook, I read, I go for walks, I take myself to dinner, I visit my friends, and I go on joy rides around the city. For now, that’s all I can afford to fit into my schedule and budget, but I feel good; I enjoy myself, but I have to make sure to keep switching up on activities. While I am doing any of these activities, I never feel like I could be having a better time if I were sharing the moment with a man. It’s really not that serious. I love me and I enjoy my own company.

I am a free-spirited person by nature, so being single is actually a good thing. I am able to come and go as I please. There’s nobody who I have to report my whereabouts to. There’s nobody to get in the way of going where I want to go. I don’t have to worry about anybody feeling left out because it’s just me. The only person that I account for is me. I’m never disappointed because the things I have to do are done the way that I like them to be done. I don’t flaunt my independence; instead I cherish it because the day may come when I will have to sacrifice some of it.

Being single is just as beautiful as being in a relationship, so I am not going to sit here and be depressed and feel lonely just because I am single. I am going to ride this until the wheels fall off. There’s too many good things going on in my life to feel bent out of shape because I don’t have a man. I have a family who loves me to pieces; I love me (what’s there not to love? I’m spectacular); and I’m employed at a job that has room for growth. Instead of focusing on what I don’t have, I focus on what I have. There is nothing disappointing or sad about that.

My New Play Thing

I just got my hands on the new Nintendo DSi XL and it is so cool. I got it for a really belated Christmas present; however, it came to me right in time because I desperately need a temporary escape from all the madness that surrounds me with this school work and all. On a day to day basis there is always a piece of literature that I have to read or write and just as it was beginning to become unbearable, this brand new play thing came to take the stress away. Hallelujah!

Equipped with a larger screen, the Nintendo DS i XL is 93% larger than the Nintendo DSi Lite system. I can take photos with any of the two built-in cameras. I can surf the internet, play music, and, of course, play games like New Super Mario Bros.—my favorite. It also comes pre-installed with Brain Age Express: Math, Brain Age Express: Arts and Letters, and Photo Clock. My jaw dropped when I learned that my brain age is 80. Yowza!

I was disappointed when I realized that the Nintendo DS i XL system did not come with headphones. Priced at $189.99, it should come with headphones. Other than that, it’s a great system to have. It’s easy to manipulate. Nothing is too technical. It’s great for young and old people. It comes in two colors: Bronze and Burgundy. I have the bronze, which honestly looks more like mocha than bronze. I heard the burgundy system is ugly, so get your hands on the bronze while supplies last.

God bless the people of Nintendo for providing an escape for those, like me, who need a break from their school work and those who get a kick out playing video games. I am going to take my play thing wherever I go so whenever there’s a moment where life seems like it’s giving me a hard time, I will be able to whip out this bad boy to take the stress away.

The Element of Being Cheated

For one hundred fifty big ones, anyone would expect nothing but the best from the multi-million dollar, multiple grammy winning, uber talented Miss Alicia Keys. At her March 19th concert at the Prudential Center in New Jersey, she presented the crappiest stage performance I’ve ever witnessed.

I had heard that her concert at Madison Square Garden, which took place the night before was spectacular. It included appearances by Beyonce and Jay-Z. I didn't think that they would show up at the Prudential Center, but I didn't think that Alicia would put less than one hundred percent into her New Jersey concert. Boy, was I wrong.

First of all, I arrived at the concert an hour late, so I was already annoyed. I blame my best friend for not allowing enough travel time to drive from Brooklyn to New Jersey on a Friday. I also blame my other friend for making my best friend leave from an already congested Canal Street to pick her up in front of her job. I hate being late for anything, especially a concert that I paid one hundred fifty dollars for a ticket. It took a total of an hour and twenty minutes to get from the Brooklyn Bridge to the entrance of the Holland Tunnel. I showed up just in time to see the last eight minutes of Robin Thicke. He and Melanie Fiona opened for Alicia Keys. I didn’t get to see Melanie Fiona. At least I showed up in time for the headliner. I was sure that I was in for a treat from Miss Keys, or so I thought.

Alicia was anything but impressive. Don’t get me wrong. She did sing her popular songs. She sang my favorites like “Diary” and “Unthinkable (I’m Ready).” I wasn’t engaged. I really could have saved my money. I thought maybe I had been spoiled by the hardest working woman in show business, Beyonce, but that wasn’t it. I had also been to Ne-Yo’s, John Legend’s, and Maxwell’s concerts and they all grabbed me. They all don’t do a booty-pop like Beyonce, yet they all still had my attention. I felt a connection. Alicia bored the daylights out of me. I did like when she played her key-shaped electric keyboard, but that wasn’t enough. Her concert just didn’t have that WOW factor.

I wasn’t moved by the outfit she chose to wear on stage. It was as tacky as hell and should have been placed on the worst dressed list. She wore an army green military inspired tuxedo jacket with silver sequin skinny pants. Alicia? Really? I get dressed in the dark, and I still come up with better outfits than that one. I don’t know why celebs think that they can get away with ridiculous outfits. What was her stylist thinking?

So what do you get when you put together a long drive to an over-priced concert that featured a boring performance from Alicia Keys that you showed up late to? The Element of Being Cheated. I never felt so robbed. My friends cheated me out of seeing a concert from beginning to end by leaving late and getting caught up in traffic. Alicia Keys gave the most lackluster performance in my life. I really think that she gave New York her best and gave New Jersey her worst. So I was left to go back home to Brooklyn, feeling annoyed as well as cheated out of what should have been a great concert and one hundred fifty dollars. I am never going to another concert ever again.

Hula Hoopin' Hottie

Last year, I bought myself a hula hoop. My mother had given me one as a kid, but I had never got the hang of it. Even when I was in high school, my gym teacher had me try it out, and I still sucked. I came to the conclusion that the hula hoop wasn't my cup of tea; that was until I came across my niece's hula hoop at my brother's house in Georgia. Hesitant at first--because I was 23 years old--I picked up that purple shiny hula hoop and began to circle my waist. I shocked myself. It actually circled my waist for a very long time. I believe the fact that the hula hoop had water inside of helped it to keep circling my waist. The hula hoop my mother bought me from Bargain Hunters had rice grains in it. That was a proud moment for me. That was four years ago.

So now, at 27 years old, I am a self-proclaimed hula hoopin' hottie. I taught myself a couple of hula tricks. I am able to control the speed of the hula hoop, stand on one leg and hula, jump and turn around with the hula hoop still circling my waist. It's pretty cool. My friends think that I am crazy for still playing with a hula hoop at my age, but I don't care. I'm grown, but I'm not old. It's great exercise. In fact, there is a hula hoop game on the Wii Fit. I actually got a chance to give it a whirl, which was fun. While you're circling your waist on the Wii Fit you're supposed to stop and lean over to allow your Mii character to catch another hula hoop. For that part I will need extra practice, but other than that, the game is fun.

Doing this activity keeps me youthful. Being an adult, I don't see too many other adults wanting to do much activities. All they want to do is sit down, eat, and talk. Boring! For me, hula hooping allows me to de-stress (the same goes for dancing). Focusing on keeping it from falling to the ground doesn't allow me time to think about things that bother or worry me. It's an excellent way to keep me smiling as well as keep my beautiful figure.

Booty-Calls to Boyfriends

Is he going to be the one? Many women ask themselves this million-dollar question whenever they meet a guy. Many nights are spent talking on the phone, texting and/or sexting, and then it gets to a point where there is enough comfort (or trust) to have sex with each other. Almost instantly those calls and texts are nothing but sexual. Perhaps there were one or two dates, but the other encounters were all sexual encounters. He's no longer concerned with how your day went and other information that seems useless to him. All he wants is sex, and more sex. Two questions get asked: "What the fuck?!" and "Why isn't this going anywhere, but the bedroom?" Then the realization comes that this man was only in it for the sex. Never did he want to build towards a committed relationship. Disappointment sets in. Those high expectations about that man all blow up in smoke. He gets cursed out for only living up to be a booty-call, not a boyfriend. (Sigh)

Women need to give up on having these expectations for the men they meet. They need to stop believing that every man they meet is "the one." Instead of just having these expectations, speak out. Be open and honest. Men can't and don't try to read minds. Don't allow his good looks or his sexy phone voice to get in the way of asking important questions. Don't ask a man out, but do ask if he wants a girlfriend. If he says that he doesn't want one, then move on to the next one. Please don't conduct a formal interview with him; allow your questions to have a natural flow and don't force them. Why become disappointed over and over again because a man didn't live up to an expectation? Leave out the guess work and follow facts. If he says that he doesn't want a girlfriend, move on. Don't stick around to analyze his words and the tone of his voice, and don't try to change his mind. Leave! If he says that he would like to see how things turn out, be patient with the dude. Don't be in such a hurry to be with somebody.

Don't become easily attached. Don't confuse good sex with a good heart. Sex, period, is not enough to determine whether someone is boyfriend or girlfriend material. Men have an impeccable gift of not allowing their feelings to get in the way of sex. For many women, it's the opposite. If a man wanted to get to know a woman, that's exactly what he would do. A woman cannot make a man do anything that he doesn't want to do.

If there's nothing but sex going on, a booty-call cannot turn into a boyfriend. Take the proper steps and ask the right questions. Depending on the response, a woman will know if a man is just a booty-call or a potential boyfriend.

Lady Gaga Gives New Definition to Smokey Eyes

Sunglasses are a must-have accessory for everybody. They accentuate eyes just like the perfect smokey eye effect. Who knew that the two could be merged into the ultimate attention-grabber? These cigarette sunglasses worn by Lady Gaga in her video for Telephone featuring Beyonce definitely grabbed the attention of her fans who watched her long-ass (9:32) video. I hope there aren't any lame-ass idiots out there trying to buy a pair of these sunglasses. Sorry, but only Lady Gaga can get away with wearing smokey cancer sticks as trendy eyewear.

Quality Over Quantity

As I grow older and I learn more about dating men, I have become tired of the mathematics of dating. I constantly hear it on television, read it in magazines, and hear it in conversations with a few of my girlfriends that everything must be reciprocated between a guy and a girl. Please! Are we fractions or are we two people just trying to get in?

If a guy calls once, why should that automatically mean that a girl must call once, or vice versa? The same question can be asked for texting, asking each other out on a date, etc. It’s immature and inorganic to go tit for tat all the damn time. It meddles with the natural rhythm of getting to know each other. Why should a male or a female hold out on making a phone call just because he or she called already and the favor hasn’t been returned? If a man or woman wants to get in contact, there shouldn’t be anything that gets in the way of stopping it from happening.

Why do people pay so much attention to quantity, and not so much on quality? It’s not a good idea to pay attention to the number of phone calls, texts, or dates or visits that have taken place. We shouldn’t get all caught up in the numbers. What if you’re dealing with someone who doesn’t live close by to you? What if you’re involved with someone who has a busy schedule? Take your eyes away from the amount of times someone has done something for you, and direct your eyes to the quality of the things that someone has done for you. Pay attention to how you feel about the person and the situation. Quality should never be outshined by quantity.

When people date, they shouldn’t strive for perfection; and even if they do, high numbers don’t mean that someone is perfect. What’s your agenda when it comes to dating? Is it to get to know this person and eventually build a relationship? Is it to have sex? Or is it to simply something to get you out of the house? Whatever it is you would like to gain out of dating someone, don’t use numbers to support your plan. Sure he’s brought you flowers numerous times, but does he also make you feel like the manure it took to grow them? Ask yourself that question. Sure she calls you every day, but are those conversations mind-stimulating and thought-provoking? What about that? Dig deeper into this. If the quantity outweighs the quality, there’s a problem that definitely needs to be addressed.

Why was this dumb-ass rule set? Why do people listen? Too many people want to be in control of when they fall in love, who they want to fall in love with, who they want a relationship with, and who they want to bang. A lot of us have put time limits on our goals, especially relationship goals. The truth is people don’t know when any of these events are going to happen for them. We don’t know when we are going to meet that special someone. We don’t even know how much time we have left on this earth. So many people would like to believe that they are in control and often end up angry, disappointed, confused, and heartbroken when things do not turn out the way that they had thought.

I was guilty of doing this up until recently. I asked myself why I had been doing this. I had been doing this because people had told me that this was the thing to do, and I believed them. But because I would constantly become frustrated, I decided to end this nonsense. I let go of the quantitative approach to dating. I enjoy just being in the moment with a man and I pay more attention to my feelings. I am more open and I more honest with him and, more importantly, myself. I am happy with going with the ebb and flow of things. I am more comfortable with this rhythm than getting caught up with numbers. Math was never my best subject anyway. It was a waste of time to have struggled with this constantly because once I fell back and relaxed, I ended up going in the direction I was destined to go in anyway.

Don’t be a slave to quantity. Less can be more. Sometimes the numbers will not add up, but if the quality surpasses the quantity, don’t allow math to get in the way of a good thing.

Basket Shopping, Anyone?

Many women, when you ask them what's the first thing that they look at on the opposite sex, will say, "His eyes," or "His lips." Being the oddball that I am, I look at something else. I look at something that pokes out further than any pair of eyeballs, or any pair of juicy, succulent, soft-with-cherry-chapstick lips. I look at the bulge in his pants. Yes, that's right! I do what is called basket shopping.

Apple has this application for the IPhone that provides interesting and enlightening sex facts. I came across the Sex-Facts app one day while I was playing with my best friend’s phone. Curiosity led me to flip through some of the sexual facts, and eventually I came across the term basket shopping. Basket shopping is defined as looking at the bulge in a man's pants. I laughed when I came across this sex fact. I laughed because I didn't know that there was a term for what I have been doing since elementary school. I went along and downloaded the app to my phone immediately after.

I know that the bulge is not a definite marker for determining whether or not a man is hung, but it is just a fun activity that I engage in to keep my day interesting. I never stare at his package for a long time. It only takes me a nano second to get a good look at his basket, and then I go on about my business. It doesn’t make me more attractive to him. Basket shopping is one of the ways I keep my day from being bland and boring. I am never compelled to reach out and grab at them (no need to be in jail). A quick look is all I need. The size of the bulge doesn't even matter to me.

I have no clue about how the term basket shopping came into existence, but I am sure whoever created it got a good enough kick out of it. I like the fact that it doesn’t sound perverted or vulgar. I wouldn’t consider this to be perverted behavior. It’s totally natural. The term basket shopping gives lightness to the whole idea of the activity. It sounds like there is no harm in it, and there isn’t. All I am doing is looking. No lewd thoughts pop into my brain or anything like that. I’m just having a little fun. That’s it!