As I grow older and I learn more about dating men, I have become tired of the mathematics of dating. I constantly hear it on television, read it in magazines, and hear it in conversations with a few of my girlfriends that everything must be reciprocated between a guy and a girl. Please! Are we fractions or are we two people just trying to get in?
If a guy calls once, why should that automatically mean that a girl must call once, or vice versa? The same question can be asked for texting, asking each other out on a date, etc. It’s immature and inorganic to go tit for tat all the damn time. It meddles with the natural rhythm of getting to know each other. Why should a male or a female hold out on making a phone call just because he or she called already and the favor hasn’t been returned? If a man or woman wants to get in contact, there shouldn’t be anything that gets in the way of stopping it from happening.
Why do people pay so much attention to quantity, and not so much on quality? It’s not a good idea to pay attention to the number of phone calls, texts, or dates or visits that have taken place. We shouldn’t get all caught up in the numbers. What if you’re dealing with someone who doesn’t live close by to you? What if you’re involved with someone who has a busy schedule? Take your eyes away from the amount of times someone has done something for you, and direct your eyes to the quality of the things that someone has done for you. Pay attention to how you feel about the person and the situation. Quality should never be outshined by quantity.
When people date, they shouldn’t strive for perfection; and even if they do, high numbers don’t mean that someone is perfect. What’s your agenda when it comes to dating? Is it to get to know this person and eventually build a relationship? Is it to have sex? Or is it to simply something to get you out of the house? Whatever it is you would like to gain out of dating someone, don’t use numbers to support your plan. Sure he’s brought you flowers numerous times, but does he also make you feel like the manure it took to grow them? Ask yourself that question. Sure she calls you every day, but are those conversations mind-stimulating and thought-provoking? What about that? Dig deeper into this. If the quantity outweighs the quality, there’s a problem that definitely needs to be addressed.
Why was this dumb-ass rule set? Why do people listen? Too many people want to be in control of when they fall in love, who they want to fall in love with, who they want a relationship with, and who they want to bang. A lot of us have put time limits on our goals, especially relationship goals. The truth is people don’t know when any of these events are going to happen for them. We don’t know when we are going to meet that special someone. We don’t even know how much time we have left on this earth. So many people would like to believe that they are in control and often end up angry, disappointed, confused, and heartbroken when things do not turn out the way that they had thought.
I was guilty of doing this up until recently. I asked myself why I had been doing this. I had been doing this because people had told me that this was the thing to do, and I believed them. But because I would constantly become frustrated, I decided to end this nonsense. I let go of the quantitative approach to dating. I enjoy just being in the moment with a man and I pay more attention to my feelings. I am more open and I more honest with him and, more importantly, myself. I am happy with going with the ebb and flow of things. I am more comfortable with this rhythm than getting caught up with numbers. Math was never my best subject anyway. It was a waste of time to have struggled with this constantly because once I fell back and relaxed, I ended up going in the direction I was destined to go in anyway.
Don’t be a slave to quantity. Less can be more. Sometimes the numbers will not add up, but if the quality surpasses the quantity, don’t allow math to get in the way of a good thing.
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