Do you ever find yourself complaining about the same thing over and over again? I do. Honestly, I am disappointed that I complain about this for 365 days a year. I have read that if this is the only thing to complain about, then there’s nothing really to complain about. In my bedroom I have a note written on a post-it above my desk to stop complaining about this. I hate to talk about this, but often it is virtually inevitable. If you know what it is like to have a blood-thirsty bug buzz by your ear, then you have an idea of how it makes me feel when I complain about money.
When most people see me walk down the streets, step into my job, drive my car, or show up at any function, they see what an ex-friend of mine used to call me: “Money Girl.” I am told that I look rich. I have champagne taste on a ripple budget (that’s why I love Forever 21). I tell people all of the time that I am not rich, but blessed. Lately, I have been taking the time out to tell God that I am thankful for my blessings, especially those things that I know I didn’t deserve, but were given to me anyhow. I give thanks not only to express my gratitude to God, but to teach myself to stop complaining about money. Growth has allowed me to give thanks, but I still find myself complaining about money.
When my paycheck is directly deposited into my checking account and I go down the list of the creditors I have to pay back, the groceries to purchase, the gasoline to pump for the week, the events that I have been invited to, and see that I am giving all of my money away to everyone but myself, I get pissed. I know that I am always going to have a bill, but it’s the other things like, for example, when I make plans to do something and my plans get interrupted by something unexpected that I’m always unprepared for financially. I have savings accounts that are empty and this upsets me. I am horrible when it comes to managing my money. When I make attempts to improve the way I handle my money and my reality doesn’t match up with my expectation, I become disappointed and I complain.
I have made a lot of mistakes with money—from taking out unnecessary loans and acquiring too many credit cards to impulse shopping and being a dupe of instant gratification. I feel absolutely ashamed of myself. I know that I have improved the way that I spend my money, yet I feel that I am not improving fast enough. I believe that I could be doing more to be more effective in correcting all of my wrongs. When I try to cut back on things like going out and I get accused of being cheap, it hurts me. Sometimes I end up spending my money to avoid hearing other people’s comments and I beat myself up about it later. I also cross my fingers, hoping that I don’t overdraft and being slammed with the $34 fee per overdraft. Like that annoying blood-thirsty bug buzzing by, I just want it to stop and go away—the shame, the disappointment, and the complaining.
Now that I am finally getting this off my chest, I feel as though I am not only complaining about money, but I am complaining about being an adult and having a life. I love my life and I love being an adult. I am gifted and healthy. I am never without food. I’m single, yet I am never lonely. There are those days where I’m just getting by and feeling majorly terrible because my checking account needs CPR. I know that God has been good to me and always will, which is why I know that I must make it a priority to stop complaining about money. I once heard Joel Osteen say to complain is to remain. I don’t want to remain, I want to increase. As long as I continue to press forward and be more forgiving to myself, eventually, my money will be straight and being a money girl will no longer be just an illusion.
