Do You Have to Tell?

Do you have to tell the person you are having casual sex with that you are now in a relationship?

Is it any of his/her business?

Do you ignore the texts and phone calls?

If you do respond to the texts and the phone calls, do you make up excuses as to why you can't come through, hoping that he/she will get the hint that y'all cannot hook up anymore and stop hitting you up?

Or do you just come clean and tell him/her the truth?

I'm Good

It has been a minute since my last post. I must say that my last post was kind of depressing, yet it was real and I am glad that I accomplished expressing my feelings. Writing that post was a great release for me. Within a week after posting it, I began to feel better. You know, sometimes there are days when you feel as though you can conquer the whole world and then there are days when you feel like crawling under a rock. I had arrived at a point in my life where I was like: "Enough is enough!"

But something else weird happened. Letting go of the expectation allowed me to come to a place where I could get with a guy, have casual sex with him, and think nothing of it. I didn't feel automatically attached. I didn't over analyze him or the situation. I knew that we were together for only one thing. I didn't call him constantly. I didn't become upset if something came up and we weren't able to get together for one night. I felt free. I didn't have a relationship in my head. I didn't expect anything from him, but sex. Even though I felt that way, I still knew that I deserve so much more. I shocked myself. I didn't think that I had that capability.

With dropping the expectation of falling love with a man there is no room for becoming disappointed. I was tired of putting my best Dolce Diva forward and not getting anything back in return. I was tired of getting my feelings hurt. Now I don't have to worry about that anymore because I'm good. I feel good. I look good. I walk good. I talk good. Can't nobody tell me nothing.

Letting Go

I have let go of the expectation of falling in love with a man. Since my days of being a student at Edward R. Murrow high school, I was always curious to know what it's like to be a girlfriend and what it feels like to fall in love, make love, and I say I love you. For years I have been determined to build a long-lasting and meaningful relationship with a guy. I thought that this would not be a difficult goal to achieve, but I was definitely wrong. Things just didn't work out in my favor. This hurt me terribly. I always wanted to know why. Why doesn't he want to keep me? Why doesn't he see that I am good person? Why are my friends in relationships, but not me? When is it going to be my turn?

I believe men only see me as an object, the other, but not the one. To them, I am conquest, not a treasure. It's never a problem to engage in casual sex, but to be in a committed relationship is out of the question. Because this has been the constant for ten consecutive years, it's best that I throw in the towel. I would have a fortune if I were to get a dollar for every time a guy told me this: "You're a cool girl, but I don't want to be in a relationship with you." To hear that line over and over again is like a stab in the heart for me, and I just can't continue to put myself through that anymore. I know that I am worthy of whole lot more than what I have gotten, so I will not settle for less anymore.

I am not sure if it is a phase or not, but I have gotten to the point where I don't want to even want to exchange numbers with a new guy; I don't want to go out on any dates; go to anyone's house; I don't want to even be touched whether it be in the form of a handshake or a hug. No more casual sex. I just want to be left alone. I don't even want a guy to look at me, which may be difficult because I do have it going on and all. I have felt this way before and I have sworn off men for one to two years at a time, but I don't know how long it will be before I will want a man to be around me again.

I wrote an earlier piece about hating when people ask me why I am single and I failed to reveal that I hate being asked that question because it reminds me of what I have gone through. It reminds me of being hurt. It reminds me of being frustrated. It reminds me of being confused. I don't want to experience those feelings anymore. Being single can be boring at times, but at least it's not painful.

Now the questions that I ask are: "What is God preparing me for? Who is God preparing me for?" I don't beat myself up about this anymore, even though I am sensitive about it. I pray that I don't become that woman who immerses herself in her job and education so badly that she loses the ability to let a man take the lead and to let him love her. I pray that I don't become that bitter bitch that hisses at a man and labels him incompetent the moment he says hello. I want to get over, not get even. I pray that I increase my strength and my wisdom. I am going to continue to be productive and to press forward. Walk by faith, not by sight.

Check This Out

There is only about two weeks left to see the Gentrification of Brooklyn: The Pink Elephant Speaks exhibit at the Museum of Contemporary African Diasporan Arts (MoCADA) .

Gentrification is a reality that has been impacting the borough of Brooklyn for a number of years. In the art exhibit located in Brooklyn at the James E. Davis Arts Building on 80 Hanson Place, are works of art that capture each of the artists’ personal critiques on the changes that are taking place in the borough that many love, including me. Over twenty artists have put in their creativity and hard work to get people to look deeper into the transformation of the economic and social landscape of Brooklyn.

The Gentrification of Brooklyn exhibit is a great opportunity to be educated about the past, present, and future of Brooklyn. The showcased artwork in the exhibit is provocative, eye-opening, and has everyone asking, “Is it white flight or gentrification?” This is a great question to ask friends, family, and coworkers.
The exhibit will definitely create a dialogue within the community.

Definitely make time to get down to MoCADA to view this incredible exhibit. If you’re an educator, like me, schedule a tour for your students. For questions, call (718) 230-0492 or visit http://www.mocada.org/.

My Friends Are Cute

I recently read a blog on Naked With Socks On titled: “Are Your Friends Cute? (They’re Not Stop Lying).” The blog asks readers if they are truthful when they tell others that their friends are cute. Blogger, Anslem Samuel, doesn’t believe that everybody has cute friends, and he’s right. Fortunately, I don’t have that dilemma. My female and male friends all possess the cute gene.

I am not talking about that conventional beauty nonsense. We are all black and beautiful men and women. Wherever we go we turn heads. I wouldn’t have a problem setting up any one of my friends on a blind date. I wouldn’t have to lie and say they looked like some gorgeous celebrity if I knew damn well they looked like a gremlin. If my friends looked like gremlins, I would not set them on any blind dates. My friends are all attractive and look good from any angle. They are not one-dimensional.

In addition to our killer good looks, we possess beautiful spirits. We all have home training, so we know how to carry ourselves in public. We’re smart; we all have college degrees. We are unique and we have class. We look good inside and out. Not too many people can truthfully say that all of their friends are cute. I, on the other hand, can put my hand on a Bible and swear that all my friends are beautiful without worrying about lightning striking me.

I Hate This Question

The one question that I can’t stand being asked is, “Why are you single?” People don’t understand why such a beautiful, intelligent, and well-rounded young lady, such as me, is not in a relationship. The looks that I get from the people when I tell them that I am single are looks of disappointment and sadness. Do I have to be in a relationship? I guess not, or else I would be in one. I am constantly asked this question and I am annoyed every time I hear it. Coworkers ask me this question as well as men that I meet for the first time. They all can’t believe it. Well, believe it. And leave it be.

To be a single person is not a horrible thing, but it can be boring at times. The boredom comes when things become mundane. Boredom can easily be alleviated, though. There are millions of activities out there for me to take advantage of to knock out being bored. I dance, I cook, I read, I go for walks, I take myself to dinner, I visit my friends, and I go on joy rides around the city. For now, that’s all I can afford to fit into my schedule and budget, but I feel good; I enjoy myself, but I have to make sure to keep switching up on activities. While I am doing any of these activities, I never feel like I could be having a better time if I were sharing the moment with a man. It’s really not that serious. I love me and I enjoy my own company.

I am a free-spirited person by nature, so being single is actually a good thing. I am able to come and go as I please. There’s nobody who I have to report my whereabouts to. There’s nobody to get in the way of going where I want to go. I don’t have to worry about anybody feeling left out because it’s just me. The only person that I account for is me. I’m never disappointed because the things I have to do are done the way that I like them to be done. I don’t flaunt my independence; instead I cherish it because the day may come when I will have to sacrifice some of it.

Being single is just as beautiful as being in a relationship, so I am not going to sit here and be depressed and feel lonely just because I am single. I am going to ride this until the wheels fall off. There’s too many good things going on in my life to feel bent out of shape because I don’t have a man. I have a family who loves me to pieces; I love me (what’s there not to love? I’m spectacular); and I’m employed at a job that has room for growth. Instead of focusing on what I don’t have, I focus on what I have. There is nothing disappointing or sad about that.

My New Play Thing

I just got my hands on the new Nintendo DSi XL and it is so cool. I got it for a really belated Christmas present; however, it came to me right in time because I desperately need a temporary escape from all the madness that surrounds me with this school work and all. On a day to day basis there is always a piece of literature that I have to read or write and just as it was beginning to become unbearable, this brand new play thing came to take the stress away. Hallelujah!

Equipped with a larger screen, the Nintendo DS i XL is 93% larger than the Nintendo DSi Lite system. I can take photos with any of the two built-in cameras. I can surf the internet, play music, and, of course, play games like New Super Mario Bros.—my favorite. It also comes pre-installed with Brain Age Express: Math, Brain Age Express: Arts and Letters, and Photo Clock. My jaw dropped when I learned that my brain age is 80. Yowza!

I was disappointed when I realized that the Nintendo DS i XL system did not come with headphones. Priced at $189.99, it should come with headphones. Other than that, it’s a great system to have. It’s easy to manipulate. Nothing is too technical. It’s great for young and old people. It comes in two colors: Bronze and Burgundy. I have the bronze, which honestly looks more like mocha than bronze. I heard the burgundy system is ugly, so get your hands on the bronze while supplies last.

God bless the people of Nintendo for providing an escape for those, like me, who need a break from their school work and those who get a kick out playing video games. I am going to take my play thing wherever I go so whenever there’s a moment where life seems like it’s giving me a hard time, I will be able to whip out this bad boy to take the stress away.